Assalamualaikum..
" An optimist sees an opportunity in every calamity,
A pessimist sees a calamity in every opportunity.."
Taking a deep breath and feeling self more at ease now,
day by day...
Today, I feel more relax and have the time to think back about the past. What had happened..and it feels just like a dream. A dream that I cried very and terribly bad about something, cried my heart out, driving while my eyes were tearing up badly and blurred with tears, drove to nowhere as I didn't have any direction to go..Yes, it was me. The heartbroken girl, who cried a lot! Yes, a lot..more than I can say it with my own mouth. It was a lot. It was all in past tense as I can't cry anymore, I just don't have the reason t cry anymore. There are no tears to be shed..anymore~
I feel more calm now~
Sometimes, I try to think..Has it really over??Has it over? This feeling....has it dead? The love towards someone..has it dead already? I'm not sure and I don't know, I'm feeling glad. I thank to Allah for this moment. I'm okay now. Everything seems so fine. I can smile. I can laugh. Sincerely.
To the one who taught me how to love and be loyal full-heartedly..Thanks. Thanks a lot.
I might have cried. A lot. Because of 'the thing' but I am not regret yet be grateful. I'm stronger now. Thanks to you.
To that person. Please bear with me for one and a half year more. I just need that 'some time'. Please.. (not begging you or trying to burden you but I'm asking you as someone you know for years~) I just have 'that feeling' that I will be able to accept anything that will happen in future after this one and a half year. It will be okay if you will be with someone else. I will be okay. Really. I just have that confidence. Please...only for this one and a half year more~
Sorry.
Sometimes I just came up with crazy ideas about eating out together, watching movies, jogging, asking for an accompany to buy something...bear with me...because it feels like a habit (it is present tense as it is still a habit) I know that I need to overcome that as soon as possible. I'm trying..please bear with my 'craziness'.
Sometimes, I just feel like you are embarrassed to be seen with me by others. I just get that feeling and couldn't stop myself from noticing it. Sorry if I take it wrongly. It is just like an irony. Yes. Life is unpredictable. We once didn't even bother if people saw us as we met almost every single day before. we were like an 'item' who couldn't be separated. Always together, the two of us. Always seen by others, together.
Surely enough that we are not 'us' anymore. 'You' are 'you' and 'I' am 'I'. Surely enough it is. No 'us' anymore. We are not an 'item' anymore. I believe that you are now fine with that. I'm getting used of it too.
I think....Everything starts to come back to normal. Back to normal as marriage is not a purpose of live anymore. It is not the centre of my life anymore. Weirdly, awkwardly, it is. Maybe Allah is helping me. Make it easy for me right now. Alhamdulillah~ I feel more awake! It may be a 'plain' and 'boring' life but it just remarkably more calm. I just can't describe this feeling..
" We can't never undone a damage but we can learn to not create the same damage over again.."
To that someone. Thank you... and..please bear with me for this one and a half year more~
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