S i c k . . .

i'm really sick today. really heart broken. just feel like want to give up life. staying far away from family really testing me. i feel worst just now as each time the 'teacher' pushing us to perform better, to be proactive. what kind of proactive that she really means?? some more, my 'dearest' course members really don't make any sign to improve self. still want to stay with their bolshiness. never think bout own mistakes. people like to criticize and gossip bout others, always talk bad bout others, just like they are perfect. i'm afraid as i will be influenced, i really don't want to be one of them. i just wanna be myself. now, i really miss my friends when i was in secondary school, miss my best friend, Ana n i really miss my family. it has been almost a month since last break i didn't back to my hometown, my home. i feel like crazy being here. honestly, i lost my spirit. i just feel that i'm not belong here. i have problem with myself, i just don't know why but i miss myself. it is really out of control n i almost did not know my own self. i'm really in sober right now. i start hating myself...because i'm too weak. i miss home. i'm really s i c k. s o s