In denial.

Assalamualaikum..

Ketidakpastian.

Nak post apa ye entry harini??Ok la harini just randomly jela menaip entry k. Harap maklum. *(maybe sesi meluahkan perasaan) =__="

Denial.

Beberapa hari ni xtau la kenapa terasa down yang teramat sangat dan terasa macam dirasuk 'Sang Iblis' apabila bangun dari katil pukul 3 lebih petang. "How should I describe my feelings??". Sedih barangkali. Mungkin jugak frust. "Kenapa pulak nak frust??" Entah la, lately ni tetiba je rasa nak memberontak, bukan niat nak 'buat perangai' *mintak maaf kawan-kawan, surely I've done something unpleasant (harap dimaafkan). Semalam was the worst mood ever! Xtau kenapa susah nak bangkit dari katil and for the whole day terasa moody, nak mengamuk, nak nangis...terasa nak lari je. Manusia ni memang bermasalah and same goes to this person *which is me, but I know it was a bit childish to treat others coldly. Sorry kawan-kawan, everything was in mess yesterday and I just couldn't bear with it till I had a deep thought on it and I know I was wrong to behave that way. Even today, I just barely control myself.

Sedih. I thought I could manage it, I thought I could bear with it and handle my feelings. 

"Putting self in too much denial doesn't makes things any better and it drowns me into deeper frustration..." 

Yes, it is. I'm not sad actually but I'm frustrated. 

Something did happen and I really thought that I was OK but then I realised that I'm not OK. It hurts a lot! I put myself in denial until it was too much and I just couldn't help myself from stop crying. I miss the old times and how I wish I can go back to that moments. When future is so blurred it hurts me more. Things changed. We changed! I know that I couldn't make it any better as I have no power to undone what already done. Yes, sometimes I just feel lost and so weak but I do believe that time is cure. I'll be ok and we'll be ok. I have faith in you. Just time is needed.

Hurmmpphhhh~ tu la maybe pengajaran nya ialah "I need to be strong!!" sebab dugaan tu sentiasa datang. Bila macam-macam perkara jadi mula la hati ni jadi se'sensetif' tisu (orang kata hati tisu -__-"), mula la buruk sangka pada orang lain dan pikir yang tidak-tidak *bukan-bukan. Minta maaf ye kawan-kawan, I wish that I can say this with my own mouth but I just don't have the courage. I'm really sorry and I really mean it.